Why did I do this? or Lessons learned

There have been so many times over the past 20 years or so that I bemoaned the fact that I had allowed myself to become morbidly obese.  What kind of person does that to themselves?  What kind of weak excuse for a human being was I?

Well, I am here to say that nothing in life is wasted.  We are precious, complicated creatures who are greatly valuable just as we are.  We never really needed to prove anything or be anything other than who we were.  We learn and we grow, even during these excruciatingly difficult periods of our lives. Maybe especially during these times.

Case in point:  I list one of my NSVs as being able to get up off of the floor without doing any crazy gymnastics to get there.  But 3 years ago, I left my life in Florida and moved back to Spokane to take care of my parents - my mother in particular, at the time.  She had gotten very weak on one side of her body from repeated mini strokes over time.  And she was obese, short and difficult to hold on to.  It was not uncommon for her to fall.  My Dad, who was 84 at that time, had just gotten out of the hospital after having a "routine stent" blow up in his heart during placement and as a result was not in great shape either.  So, she would fall.  And they would have no choice but to call the Fire Department to get her up off the floor. 

The first time she fell after I got here, I thought "I know how to do this!  I used to have to do this to get up off the floor myself! When I weighed 300 lbs, I had no choice.".  So I had her get on her knees and hold onto a chair while I helped get her legs up under her and then she could stand.  No Fire Department needed.

Had I not "allowed myself" to become morbidly obese, I would not have started my weight loss journey and  learned how to feed my body in a healthy manner.  I would never have become a "Food Nazi".  As a result of learning these lessons for myself, however, I was able to feed my mother's body, control her diabetes and help to slowly take some sadly needed weight off of her poor little frame. 

Had I not been where I had been, I would not have learned the compassion I needed to see my parents as the frail old people they had become over time.  Because I would have still been judging myself for being fat and weak and would have projected it onto them.  I would not have spent any time at a gym and as a result I would not have had the physical strength to get my mother in and out of the shower, up off the floor, get her wheelchair up and down the too-short ramp we installed in the garage and before that get her weak body up and down stairs to get in and out of the house.

And, now that Mom is gone, Dad needs much the same sort of help.

So the next time we find ourselves berating ourselves for allowing ourselves to be where we are, or were, let's stop and ask ourselves - what lessons am I learning by being in this place?  Where might I possible apply what I am learning?  Because, whether we realize it or not, we are learning.  If we are alive, we are learning.