Things at my house are getting more and more difficult and, because of that, more and more precious. Yesterday, I signed a Do Not Resuscitate order for my beloved Dad so that we can get Hospice to come in. He is failing very quickly and it is frustrating and frightening to watch. Knowing that his time with us is short now makes each day that we have him a blessing, regardless of how much work is involved with it.
And, believe me, it is work. I don't get to simply watch him die. I dress him, shower him, wipe his butt, treat his "diaper rash" sores, help him in and out of chairs, make his food, thicken his water, and many more odd jobs that need to be done in the course of the day. I am pretty sure that my life currently revolves around his gastrointestinal system.
However, I went had blood tests done and they all came out clean. Seven years ago, at my highest weight, my triglycerides were in the 250 range. Today they are 66. My thyroid is in the normal range, although on the low end of normal. Nothing was out of the normal range. For this I am grateful.
Dad decided a week or two ago that he was done eating. He can chew, but chooses not to. He has trouble clearing his mouth and is just done with trying. So my first response was to buy Ensure. Have you ever tasted that stuff? It is nasty! I can do better. I looked through my "stash" of meal replacements and saw that I have a multitude of Medifast shakes (some donated by my daughter - we are both SO over Medifast shakes) as well as 4 big bags of vanilla protein powder meal replacements called "Body by Vi" donated by my sister. All of them have more protein than Ensure and taste much better. So Dad gets 3 shakes a day (it's all I can get into him) using one or a combination of meal replacement powder mixed with a combination of whole milk, half & half, peanut butter, banana, ice cream, Starbucks or fruit frozen smoothie stuff, chocolate syrup, applesauce and anything else I can find. The Body by Vi has a little less protein than Medifast but the vitamins are covered in 3 servings rather than 5. So if I use a Medifast shake, I add some of the other powder as well. This way, I can give him a variety of flavors and get his nutrition covered. And for this I am grateful.
I am still around. I still read the forums and the blogs. I am not, currently, following the program but am seriously considering placing an order for some of the things I like and don't have any more. I am up about 15 pounds because I didn't transition off the program so no matter what I did, the weight came back on. Note to everyone - TRANSITION! The weight gain has stopped now, though, and I am maintaining at the current place. Between running the house, taking care of a sick dog, caring for Dad and all the rest, I just can't be hungry all the time too. So I watch carbs, and do my best to eat clean. I am still working on my eating issues - believe it or not, I have not binged in a couple of months. And for this, I am grateful, too.
So this is an update on what is happening in Sue World. Assisting my Dad to his final reward with compassion, grace and humor is not as easy as it sounds. It is hard work - particularly the grace and humor part. But he will be at home until he is ready to go Home. Every time he opens his eyes, he will see his stuff (whether he recognizes it or not) and someone who loves him. And for this, I am extremely grateful.
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