The sun will come out

Yesterday, I was having a pity party.  It was rainy and cold, gray outside. It was one of those days when I wanted to just stay in my cave, so to speak.  But I had to go out.  I had a lunch date with a friend (who also happens to be my pastor).

During lunch, I told him that, since Dad died, I just don't belong anywhere anymore; I just am not needed anywhere anymore.  He looked at me and said "I understand what you are saying, Sue.  But you do realize that this isn't actually true, right?"  This sort of stopped me short.  He then asked me what I needed to make me feel better.  I said "Sun".

This reminded me of a couple of things that I had misplaced in my mind lately.  First, that what I feel does not necessarily reflect the reality of a situation. How many times have I thought "I'm fat!" when I am at a weight that I was proud to be at several points in my life.  I sure didn't feel fat then!  My feeling unconnected and unnecessary also did not reflect the reality of my life.  It was a valid feeling, but not true.

Also, I was reminded that I need sunshine. I get gray inside when it is gray and cold outside.  But the sun will come out - if not tomorrow, then eventually.  And I will feel better.  Eventually. 

So I came home with a few different ideas in my head.  I can't say that I stopped the pity part.  I didn't.  But I knew that these feelings, like any feelings, were temporary.  Transitory.  And valid.  I could probably have found something in the house to eat that would numb these feelings, but knowing that they were valid made that unnecessary.  And knowing that I'm doing OK on my grief journey comforted me. 

As I sneak up on some answers to the question "Now what?", I need to keep these things in mind.  That my emotions, while valid, are not always believable.  And that the sun will come out eventually.  To reference a book my friend was reading, those who have never known "down" cannot appreciate "up".