What is different?

I have been on this journey, this time, for nearly 7 years.  As I have mentioned before, I started in January 2007 in Weight Watchers.  Over the next 2 years, I lost 113 lbs.  I kept it off for 2 years.  Then my folks got sick and hurt.  And I lost my focus and put a few pounds back on.  Over the next 2 years, I gained back half of what I had lost on Weight Watchers.

I started TSFL/Medifast in July 2012.  I have reclaimed my 113 lbs and added to it.  Yes, I have struggled.  Yes, I have fallen.  Yes, I have occasionally gained.  But the difference is that every time I fall, I get back up.  I don't allow myself to gain back everything I had lost. 

I am up right now - I have gained back 9 lbs in the past 2 months.  But it stops here.  I no longer quit and just let things be.  I no longer decide that I am happy being fat.  I am not.  I no longer tell myself that I am healthy even when I am fat.  I am not.  I no longer tell myself that I can do anything I want to even when I am fat.  I can't. 

Ok, so this is my umpteenth Day 2.  What that means is that, for the umpteenth time, I have accomplished a Day 1.  It means that, for the umpteenth time, I am on my feet fighting for myself.  It means that, for the umpteenth time,  I am choosing to feel good in my skin rather than walking around in a carb cloud.   And that is a good thing.

There is no such thing as cheating on a diet.  The word "diet" refers to what we eat.  I can't cheat on that.  I can cheat at cards.  I can cheat on my taxes.  I can't cheat on my diet.  It simply is what it is.  And it is a journey.  Regardless of which direction I am traveling at the moment, I am still on my journey.  Yes, perhaps it will take me longer to reach my destination.  But the trip, the lessons learned along the way, make the arrival that much richer and valuable.  We are the sum total of the decisions we make.  And each one, for better or worse, make me more of who I am.  Each failure shows me something.  Every stumble makes me more aware.  I learn far more from my failures than I do from my successes.  But the lessons learned make the successes that much sweeter.

I am not, by any means, advocating failing on purpose.  I am always striving to succeed.  But when I don't, when I fall flat on my face, I need to be able to get up, brush myself off and continue on my journey.

And that is what makes this time different.