One month of changes

Again, I am reminded that this journey toward weighlessness has so little to do with the number on the scale. This is simply an outward manifestation of an internal process.  Which means that I can't fight the fight externally - I have to do it internally.  Even though I sometimes think that this just isn't working, this is the process I need to take whether or not the weight comes off.  I have so many years of relying on food and drink for my entertainment and companionship, so many years of being terrified that I won't have enough food or wine that it will take more than a month to rewire my mind.  But there are some positive changes.

I am still more or less free of the oppressive cloud of depression and sadness that  I have carried on my shoulder for the past year.

I am finding that my body reacts better to some things and not so well with others, even if they are considered "healthy".  For instance, I see no problem in my body from using aspartame, but an apple does my in.  If I wasn't hungry when I ate it, I will be chewing on my arm in 15 minutes.  Eating eggs for breakfast is like eating nothing.  A hard boiled egg just feels like eating air.  Also, as much as I love my morning coffee, drinking it makes me hungry all day.   Even though it is half caf now, I am going to add another layer of decaf to the mix so that I can still drink my morning coffee without reacting to it all day.

I am thinking of certain foods that I used to consider a staple and just not wanting to eat them.  These include the copious amounts of cheese and butter I ate as a low carber.  My body seems to be telling me that this is just too much and I don't want to eat them.

Last night, on my way home from work to start my 5 day vacation, my knee jerk reaction was to crack open a bottle of wine but then I asked myself "Is this going to serve me? In what way will it serve me?".  It is not just the manic reaction to the drinking of the wine, but there is also the depressive reaction for the next few days.  Is this serving me?  My "lizard brain" of course want the wine.  It is wired to seek the pleasure.  But my responsible side needs to look at the next day or two when I will be lying on the couch recovering.  And thinking "why did I do that?". 

So I am confident that as I change my inside, my outside will reflect the changes.  Actually, someone has already noticed - she said I looked more vibrant somehow.  I first thought it much be my new complexion brush, or my makeup, or my different shade of lipstick. But I think it is simply the outward manifestation of some inner changes.