Not such a good day

Eating-wise, today has not been such a good day.  It started out great.  I ate my breakfast, mid-morning meal and lunch right on schedule and exactly as planned.  Then, at 2:30, I cracked.  I don't really know why, but I did.  I decided to taste the peanut butter cookies in the drawer.  I know, big mistake! Before I blinked, I had eaten all 3 of them.  And these are not small cookies.  These are about 4" in diameter.  I washed that down with 2 packets of sandwich crackers with 6 in each packet and 2 South Beach snack bars. 

The only good thing about all this is that the cookies are gone now.  But this all happened only hours after spending another $272 on Medifast food which I have decided will be my last purchase of them.  During this past week, I have also spent about $240 at American Bariatrics and $50 at Diet Direct.  I decided that I was not going to spend any more money on outside food as I only have about 20 lbs left to lose.  I have enough food here to get me through all the transition and well into maintenance, provided I stop binging.  I said I would remind myself that every bite I take that doesn't take me closer to my goal is costing me money.  And you know what?  I did exactly that.  And I didn't care. 

So now I am feeling my blood vibrate from the sugar and my belly hurts.  I Knew that eating that sugar would make my stomach feel like I have been drinking acid.  And I would hate to check my blood sugar right now!  With the only diabetic in the house now gone, I don't have the means to do that anyway.  But it would be interesting to see.

Ok, I am going to concentrate on the positive.  The cookies are gone. I will eat my turkey tenderloin and green beans for dinner and have my pretzels at bed time.  I will have my jello after 7 tonight.  In other words,. I am back on plan.  Actually, this is the first time I have binged in the middle of the day and then stopped.  Regardless that the only reason I stopped was because nothing we had here sounded even remotely good.  Still, I stopped. It's too late to do anything about it.  I can't un-eat it.  So I will count that in the win column.  And go on with my life. Sigh.