Really tired of saying this

Once again, I am SOOO tired of saying I messed up.  Any time I decide that I am going to do this program 100% like it's my job, I wind up binging.  So I am going to have to stop doing that.

I am having a terrible time with binging in bed,.  Now, this may sound like a no-brainer to everyone else, but it finally occurred to me that, if I can't control the bed time eating, I need to stop eating in bed at all.  Period.  As my sister would say "Small, sustainable changes". 

I'm not sure when I started this eating in bed thing.  I remember doing it when I was in Weight Watchers after moving back to Spokane.  I didn't binge like this before then.  Rather, what I did, was drink.  Often.  And a lot.  When I first started WW, I planned my Friday night to include a liter and a half bottle of wine.  I can't do that now - what if Dad needed to go to the hospital in the middle of the night? 

I have pulled out my old Weight Watcher calculator for the old Points system.  I may go back to that - I was very successful on it.  But first, I will try this.  I will eat from my list and that is it.  As soon as I start obsessing, I start binging.  And THAT will get me back to where I was when I started.

I have to admit, though, that all the deaths around me this year have really gotten to me.  Especially this last one where my friend died from Cellulitis.  Being hospitalized with an extreme case of this is what got me started on this road to health to start with.  Three years ago, when this same friend was in town and we had planned to have a mini-high school reunion, I missed it because I was in the hospital.  With Cellulitis.  I came close to losing my foot the first time.  I didn't realize it was such a serious thing.  When the doctor told me I needed to be in the hospital or I would die, I thought he was exaggerating.  Guess not.

Well, the sun has been out and is quickly disappearing.  I need to get showered, dressed and get the dog out for our walk before it all goes away and the rain starts up again.

Here's to another day.  I'm having a hard time finding a hopeful note to end on here.  Sigh.