Things I'm considering

April 2012

I have been thinking a lot about my weight loss journey. To me, gaining back 50 of the 113 lbs I lost a couple of years ago feels like failure. But, thinking seriously, what will change when (not if) I reclaim this loss?

Will I be strong and healthy? Well, I already AM strong and healthy. Obese for sure, but strong and healthy.

Will I be eating a healthy diet? I already do that. I am a very natural and clean eater.

Will I be happy? Only if being able to wear my white denim skirt will truly make me happy. (I am undecided about this one.)

All that will change when I reach whichever goal, is that I will be thinner. I will take up less space. So why do I beat myself up over what I perceive as failure? Why do I see it as failure in the first place?

My fiance commented today that my weight bothers me a lot more than it does anyone else. No one else sees me as a failure, only me. I am still loved. I am still valuable. And I am still worthwhile. My jeans are just a little bigger.

So the next time I decide I am a failure, I need to remember these things. I need to remember that I am strong, healthy, valuable and loved. And then let it go.