Worth the investment

The question was asked today what changes I made in order to realize that I was worth the investment in myself.  I thought and thought.  The most difficult thing for me to admit is that I have value.  I know that I am loved by others.  But admitting that I have value in and of myself is a tough one.  By admitting this, acknowledging it and celebrating it, I then have to treat myself differently.  I have to be willing to live this truth.  I need to value myself.

 In valuing myself, I have to be willing to surrender the reins of my Dad's care on my days off. I have understand that I have value outside of what I can do. I need to  accept that I am worth more than to do violence to my body by binge eating. Eating in secret, which is different that simply eating alone, is a violent act against my Self.

In a related, but separate thought, the food demons bared their ugly heads again on Saturday. My food is all in my room as there is no space in the kitchen, and Dad would eat the bars thinking they were fair game. This seems to be my "place" to eat, and since all I have down there are Medifast foods, I eat those. Too much of a good thing is still too much. So my solution? I moved everything that is "grab & go" - bars, puffs, pretzels - and packed them on a box. I moved the box out of my room and will find somewhere in an unused portion of the pantry that Dad rarely looks in. That way they are available for meals, but not solo binging.  All that is within my reach at bedtime now are things that need to be prepared.  Sure, I have water, a fridge and a microwave available, but I am not likely to get out of bed, mix up a bowl of soup and heat it up.  Besides, who binges on soup?  Particularly Medifast soup?

And in doing this, I also realized that sometimes, we need to change ourselves. Sometimes we need to change our circumstances. Happy Monday!